I recently finished a book called The Mastery of Love. It's quite a small book, I finished it in a day, but it is packed full of wisdom. It's about how humanity is domesticated and conditioned to lead with fear: the majority of peoples actions and thoughts are mainly out of fear and all of those negative emotions because that's what we have been taught to do whereas as children we only lead with love.
One of the main points is that people crave love and acceptance and instead of looking inward, we look outward and try to latch on to other people for their love and acceptance. We have an abundance of love within us that we should share willingly with others and ourselves; only then will we have the most meaningful relationships as we love them for their authentic selves and not because we crave their love/attention/validation etc. It's a lot more in-depth and it obviously explains it all a lot better than I can and have but because of this book I have a new perspective on e v e r y t h i n g and so I don't quite know where this post is going but I know its going to be something about loving myself, flaws and all. I'm not going to try to be poetic because I want it to be authentic.
My eyes have been referred to as a 'wolf grey' colour which I think is pretty cool. Wolves are cool and beautiful. They turn bluer or even slightly green sometimes and I think that's pretty fucking magical. My eyelashes are pretty long so even if I fuck my eyeliner up they swoop in and save the day. I love how they practically disappear when I smile and people ask me if I can still see.
My teeth have always been a big insecurity for me, they're slightly crooked at the front and tinted nicotine yellow from years of smoking. I used to hide my smile in fear of being deemed as 'ugly' but now I truly think there's nothing more beautiful than someone smiling uncontrollably no matter what their mouth/lips/teeth look like. I love the fact that my smile mirrors both my mothers and my grandfathers. It's the "Casa-Grande eyes" apparently and I think it's pretty cool how I can look so different from my relatives until I smile.
My arms have scars over them from years of mistreatment from myself. Most only show when it's cold, some are permanently on show. I've never had anyone from my adult years point them out and now I actually forget they're there. They don't serve as a reminder of my struggles and how strong I am, they're just a part of my body and I accept them as just that.
I love my persistence. I seldom give up and achieve everything I set out to eventually no matter the obstacles I have to face.
I love my bravery and how I do what I want to do even if it is a risk or ~unconventional.~ I love my sense of humour even if other people don't get it all of the time. I love that I care so much about others that sometimes it reduces me to tears.
I love that I cry when someone has achieved something they've wanted to achieve or when they talk about something they're passionate about. I love that I fake yawn to try and hold my tears in and then look away and fake yawn again with my arms up to swiftly wipe away my tears so no one notices. I love that I'm pretty laid back about most things but can hold my ground when I feel necessary. I love how I whispered "YES!" and raised my fists in celebration for spelling 'necessary' right first time in that last sentence. I love how I make songs and dances up when I'm doing something mundane to make it a little more fun and I love that I can't sing nor dance but never let that stop me - even in front of other people. I love that I'm self-aware and mindful of my thoughts, words and actions recently and I particularly love that I am becoming a better, more reliable friend.
The thing I love most about myself though is my ability to forgive. I used to think that I was a doormat because I'd forgive others so easily, but now I recognise that it's an act of self-love - I don't want to hold on to that resentment or anger and so, I forgive. I forgive with no strings attached but I also do not stand for them to do me wrong again. I forgive because I understand none of it is personal. Nothing anyone does to me/anything anyone does that affects me is because of me. It is them, their choices and their life path and so that is the way they need to go to learn what they need to learn and that is none of my business so I can either be full of poisonous negative emotions or forgive and continue to live and to lead with love.
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